What’s your definition of success?

For a lot of the leaders I work with, the answer to “What is your definition of success?” used to be simple. Success was getting promoted. The title. The office. The seat at the table. The authority.

But then they got those things.

And if you’re like them, yesterday somewhere around your third meeting about a decision that should have taken four minutes, you probably asked: Is this it? Is this all there is?

If you’ve asked that question, you’re in good company. I hear it constantly, usually in an embarrassed, lowered voice, usually followed by an apology for saying it out loud.

You expected autonomy

That’s the promise you thought you were pursuing. That’s part of why you wanted to become a leader. Get to the top and you finally get to decide.

But leadership is often the opposite. You have less freedom than you had as a manager, and you don’t get the satisfaction of seeing things done that you had as an individual contributor.

When you were earlier in your career, you could close the office door and go home. You had weekends and hobbies. But now your days are filled with other people’s small emergencies. Two senior staff who won’t speak to each other. A policy question somebody could have answered by reading the policy. The standing meeting that exists because canceling it would require a conversation.

You end the week having been busy for fifty hours and unable to name one thing you’ve done.

Success looked like a destination

In the early stages, success looked like a destination. Getting there was the goal. And most of us spend years preparing to reach the achievement. But when we get there, it feels empty. Fleeting. We are still the same people with the same doubts and shortcomings. But now our decisions have so much more consequence.

Many of us spend so much effort trying to get to a location, we never think about what will happen when we’re there.

In leadership, this is disastrous. We haven’t planned for what is different so we rely on what we did to get there. The skills that earned you the promotion, the actions that got you into leadership. They were the right skills then. And they’re well ingrained habits by now.

But you notice these skills no longer work. You’re just playing checkers on a Settlers of Catan board now. Same pieces you’ve always used, same instincts, but they don’t matter because the game has completely changed.

You may be building the conditions you’re complaining about

Your reliance on old habits, the ones that showed you you were good at your job. Being available. Answering questions quickly. Catching every ball before it dropped. These got you the reward.

And now, these very skills are creating the conditions you’re complaining about.

In having the answers and saving the day, you’ve trained your team to come to you with all the decisions. And your team noticed that you won’t take time to help them grow, so they bring all their questions to you. And they wait.

What you don’t realize is that good leadership is not the same as having all the answers. Good leadership is about learning coaching skills. Skills designed to grow the team around you.

What if you didn’t have the immediate answer to their question?

As a leader, when you finally test that question, over time, you will see your team members grow. Their direct reports start showing up as the smart, capable people who interviewed for the position. And you’ll find you have time to focus on some of the things that you enjoy. Plus, you’ll find you enjoy seeing people grow into leaders themselves.

Five words to try this week

Human growth expert Suzanne Stabile asks a five-word question that can help you as a leader. The question: Is this mine to do?

For the next week, keep a running list of every interruption. Every drop-in, every escalation, every decision that lands on your desk. Don’t fix the pattern yet, and don’t reorganize anything. Just document them.

On Friday, go down the list and ask her question of each item. Is this mine to do?

Then take one item that isn’t yours and give it back to the person closest to it. Not just a task. But the decision. Tell them plainly that they own it and that you’ll back the call they make. You could even tell them you’d rather they decide badly once than wait on you every time.

One item is enough for now.

Growing as a leader doesn’t have to mean completely transforming into a different person. It can be testing small changes. And seeing how they go.

Then you’ll see this isn’t all there is

Doing it once gives you data. Doing it weekly starts building it into a new skill. Over time, you’ll find you now have leadership habits. Habits that create the conditions around you – but conditions that bring you life instead of bogging you down.

That’s the power of coaching skills in leadership. And in our experience, leaders learn it faster than they expect to.

If you want help learning new coaching skills each week and making those small experiments, our coaching skills for leaders intensive does just that. In ten weeks, before the end of the year, you’ll have a complete toolbox of leadership skills that will serve you for this next stage. And you’ll know how to use them with others.

Sometimes the best professional development investment for your team is investing in your leadership skills. We’d love to explore if our Q3LC intensive is a good fit for you. Find out more and apply at: concordleadershipgroup.com/q3lc

And you don’t have to wait long to get started. The next cohort starts September 16!