In our relationship, home, and work, a value that Marc and I hold together is lifelong learning. Our commitment to how we learn and what we learn has been an entirely organic process, for us as individuals and as a team. Learning is one of the compass points that we check in with first when we begin to feel a dissonance in our lives, work, or relationship. We know that each of us will likely get crabby if we are not learning and growing.

That first paragraph sounds pretty inspirational, doesn’t it? In fact, when I articulate our value of lifelong learning, I know I am being honest. AND I know I am still learning to be a learner.

Most of us have a standard paradigm of how we have experienced learning in our lives. Some sort of syllabus or professional development plan may have set the path for us for many of our important years. And so when I catch myself evaluating my learning according to that old paradigm, I wonder if it is really learning if I’m not following a paradigm. Or is it really learning if I’m not getting a grade? Or is it really learning if (gasp) I’m thoroughly enjoying myself?

In a leader’s journey, there must be learning. There must be growing. There must be shifting. No matter what your work is, no matter how consistent your processes, our lives these days are built on paths that shift like a dock in the water.

Learning is our value. Learning the right way is a distraction tactic from an internal conversation that we’ve outgrown.

Sometimes we establish a specific, seasonal roadmap for learning. For the last two years, I have made an effort to include poetry reading in my days. Sometimes we learn unexpectedly. A friend brought their computer to a favorite watering spot, and Marc sat engaged with new ideas for 45 minutes. Sometimes we recognize a season of learning in the rear-view mirror. The last eighteen months have held many endings that also held celebrations.

When we are not honoring our value of learning, we get crabby. We get judgmental. We experience the ennui of no wind in our sails. For us, honoring our value of learning puts spark into the rest of our lives and work.

You might think this article has been about learning. It’s really about recognizing and living into our values.

A value isn’t a standard we measure ourselves against. It’s a direction we keep choosing. The old paradigm taught many of us to look outside ourselves for proof: a grade, a certificate, a box checked on a development plan. Values don’t come with a rubric. There isn’t one right way to know whether we’re living them. But there must be a way we choose.

For Marc and me, the way we choose is to pay attention to the signals. Crabbiness is data. So is spark. So is the quiet surprise of noticing, months later, that we’ve changed. We don’t ask whether we learned the right way. We ask whether we’re more curious than we were, whether we’re still in conversation with what’s new, whether there’s wind in the sails.

This is where the dock comes back in. When the boards shift under your feet, staring down at them only makes it worse. You find your balance by setting your eyes on something steady. For leaders, our values are that steady point. Not because they never change, but because we’ve decided to keep our eyes on them.

So here is our invitation. Name one value you hold, at work or at home. Then ask yourself:

How do I know when I’m honoring it?
How do I know when I’m not?
Whose rubric am I still using to decide?

The answers won’t be right or wrong. They’ll be yours. And that’s the point.