The Part I Don’t Get to See
At the end of a good day with a leadership group, I walk out of the room exhausted.
I’m also exhilarated.
I’m an extrovert, so part of that is the rush of being in front of people. That part fades fast. What stays with me is something else.
I usually don’t find out how it goes
Once I leave the room, the work belongs to the leadership team. I don’t get to watch them try the new conversation on Monday, or see the meeting go differently three months later. Most of the time, I never see the results.
But enough people have come back and told me what happened next that I’ve learned to trust the impact. When I walk out, I’m convinced this group is going to do something good with what we talked about. I just won’t be there when they do.
That’s a strange thing to feel pride about. But I do feel pride about it anyway.
Coaching, Consulting, and the Pins
The part I love most about working with a leadership team is that I can’t picture the end.
When a group works on its own problem, the solution they land on fits them. It fits their culture, their people, their history, their wiring. Usually it isn’t something I could have designed for them, because I don’t live inside their organization. They do.
I often use a pin art toy to explain the difference between consulting and coaching. A consultant presses down from the top, right onto the plexiglass. You feel the pressure, but the pins don’t move. So when a consultant leaves, things quickly revert back to what they were. As a coach, I come from the other side. The pins move from underneath, drawing out strengths and insights from the team. When I step away, the shape stays, because it came from them.
Walking out of that room is the moment I step away. What I’m excited for is results they’re proud of, beyond what they could ask or imagine. Beyond what I could imagine, too.
If you’re the one with the answers
This might feel backwards if you lead a team.
A lot of leaders got where they are by being the person with the answer. You were good at something. People came to you, and you made it work. So when your team brings you a solution you wouldn’t have chosen, the instinct is to fix it, to nudge it back toward the version in your head.
You’re not alone in that. Most leaders feel the pull.
But what if the solution you couldn’t have imagined is the sign it’s working? The answers don’t have to come from you. Theirs may fit better than yours ever could.
You won’t know that ahead of time, which is uncomfortable. But this discomfort is passing. As you give your team the room it needs to grow into, you’ll find yourself relieved of the even greater discomfort of being expected to be able to fix everything.
So try one thing this week. The next time someone on your team brings you a solution that isn’t the one you’d pick, don’t fix it yet. Ask, “What makes you say that?” Then listen for what they’re seeing that you can’t.
Over time, that question tends to change who does the thinking. Your team starts showing up with options instead of waiting on you. You get hours back. And you get the part I love most: being surprised by what your people build.
Some days you’ll walk away tired, without knowing how it turns out. Trust what you started.
Want a thinking partner for this?
If you’ve become the person every answer runs through, and you’d like your team to start bringing you theirs, let’s talk. A Strategy Session is one 90-minute conversation with me or Emily about where you are and what you want to change. If you decide to keep working together, the fee is credited toward coaching or other CLG work for one year after the session.
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