This week, as I helped facilitate a board retreat, something magical happened.

The Leadership Journey and Leading an Organization

I was describing the Leader’s Journey and how feeling doubt as a board member doesn’t mean you’re not a good fit for the board.

As leaders, we start by copying what we’ve seen others do. And when that doesn’t work, our confidence drops, causing us to seek what we’re lacking. To fix what is broken with us.

And how most of us stay in that stage of seeing what we’re lacking and hoping others don’t see it before we are able to take fix it by taking the right course, earning the right degree, or reading the right book. We spend much of our career doubting our ability to live up to the leadership responsibility our position requires.

This is where the surprising gift of doubt kicks in. Some of us get so frustrated with the self-doubt and the intense awareness that we don’t measure up, that we start wondering, “What if I do have what it takes? What if my ‘lacking’ is really a gift? What if I am bringing a needed perspective?”

That’s like my first year in a rock band

One of the board members quickly jumped in. “That’s just what it was like for my first year in a rock band.” He explained that the first year, he tried acting like he thought the other band members were acting, all the while feeling he was faking it. After his first year, he started finding his own way to be part of the band. A way authentic to himself.

Others chimed in about places they initially felt like frauds. Or like someone clearly had made a mistake. And how they eventually learned their instincts were worth trusting. Or their perspective was indeed welcome.

What would ‘now you’ say to ‘earlier you’?

This all happened within the first few minutes of a three-day retreat. The board members were making a direct connection from the Leader’s Journey to their lived experience in a wide variety of places.

That was the magical thing. I was speaking of their experience as leaders of this organization. And they not only recognized the stages, they were able to connect the dots to multiple other areas of their lives.

I was floored. As I am every time I see this level of authenticity. The level of authenticity unlocked when people “feel seen” in this way.

So I went around the room, asking each person what “now them” would say to “earlier them.” Knowing what you know now, what would you say to yourself back when you felt you didn’t belong.

The responses were wonderful. Things like:

• “You are meant to be here.”
• “You do have things to contribute.”
• “People really do want to hear what you have to say.”
• “Feel free to take up space.”
• “What’s obvious to you isn’t obvious to everyone else, so offer your perspective.”

Help create the “now you” atmosphere

While individuals are responsible for doing their own work, the people around them can help.

Be that person.

Try to stay in touch with what “earlier you” felt in new places. And be willing to speak encouragement to those who may be where “earlier you” once was.

Feel free to take up space

You aren’t serving anyone by playing small. Humility is good. And politeness, social etiquette, and playing well with others are great. But for some of us, sharing what we think feels scary. Like we’re crossing a line.

This year, try crossing that line.

Chances are good two things will happen:

1. You will learn to speak more confidently: Speaking up can be like leaving a voicemail. The first few times you try, you verbally stumble all over yourself. But as you make more calls, leaving voice mail gets easier and clearer. This happens when speaking up too. The more you try, the more clear you’ll get and the more confident in your expression.
2. You will realize you do have a part to play: Many of us are afraid we’re not meant to be in the position we’re in. Seeing what we lack, we think we don’t have what it takes. But as you take up a little more space, you realize that your new role includes speaking up. And that you do have what it takes for your new position.

What if, this year, you commit to questioning your doubt?

What if you start following each doubt suggested by your inner critic with a comment like, “Yes, that may be true. But what if it weren’t? What if I’m exactly what this situation needs?”

Can you imagine what you might accomplish in the next twelve months?

Have fun taking up more space!