Originally published in my Follow Up Friday newsletter – a weekly reflection on leadership, relationships, and living with intention.

I’m writing this while preparing for my dad’s celebration of life service. His was one of the three unexpected deaths we experienced in the first two weeks of July, and I’ve been invited to share about him at the service.

This preparation has got me thinking deeply about his legacy. I’ve narrowed down what I want to highlight to:

• Work Hard.
• Love Math.
• Give Generously.

And possibly: Family is expansive.

He was so many things to so many people, but I think he’d feel “seen” in stories around these themes.

The Question That Matters: Would you feel seen?

Would you feel “seen” in the things people will say about you at your funeral? Based on your habits and ways of interacting with people, will they share what you’d hope they’d share?

As long as you’re alive, you have a chance to influence this.

I remember realizing that I wanted my kids to know I loved them—but recognizing that my “love” included leaving them for work and work trips. So I made concerted choices to communicate and demonstrate my love, both while present and through my words as I left for work, including inviting each of them to join me on trips.

I hoped they’d understand these acts as “Dad really loved us” rather than feeling “Dad wasn’t around much.”

A Powerful Exercise: Write Your Own Eulogy

In our coaching skills for leaders intensives, we discuss writing out your eulogy as a tool for getting in touch with your personal story. This is an extreme version of Stephen Covey’s Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind.

Here’s how to do it: Set aside 30 minutes and write what you think people will actually say about you at your funeral—not what you hope they’ll say, but what they’ll likely say based on how you’re living now. What would your colleagues say? Your friends and family? People in your social groups?

Be honest about the patterns people see in your life.

The benefit? If there’s a gap between what they would say and how you would like to be remembered, you still have time to make changes. Seeing the gap between what people will likely say and what you’d hope they’d say shows you exactly where to grow.

I prefer thinking about your funeral over your retirement party—retirement comments focus on work, but funerals reflect your entire life: how you treated people, what you prioritized, the impact you had on others.

Your Turn

What would you hope people would say about you? And what can you start doing now to help make that a reality?

The beauty of this exercise isn’t in creating pressure to be perfect, but in creating clarity about what matters most to you while you still have time to live it out.

If you’d like more information on how our coaching skills for leaders program can help you grow as a leader, go to https://concordleadershipgroup.com/coachingskills. And apply today!